My Responses to Questions and Comments

I have received many comments and questions from readers. Posted below are a few that I most commonly receive or ones that I find interesting followed by my response.

Q: I have not fully left the church yet but I do not believe it is true. I feel really guilty for questioning my testimony that I have held dear. I am afraid to leave what should I do?

A: Continue learning, researching and questioning. Leaving the church is a big step and you need to spend time educating yourself. The testimony you hold dear is based on a culture you hold dear, all that is familiar, and much of what you have learned as truth for many years. In order to act on that gut feeling that it's not right, you need to back that feeling up with facts. Learn all you can. There is ample information out there on the web and in books that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt, at least in my view, that the church is based on falsehoods and lies. Once I saw the church exposed for what it was, my dear testimony evaporated quickly and I left the church without qualms.

My best advice is know what you are doing. Do it for the right reasons. If you act prematurely, the guilt that stems from leaving the culture, and going against that LDS testimony, will pull you right back in. Make a well educated decision and you won't regret it.

Q: Fine, leave the church! But leave the church alone. How come all ex-Mormons become so mean toward the church?

A: First, I can speak only for myself, not all ex-Mormons. I'm not aware that "all ex-Mormons become... mean toward the church". I, too, have heard the saying that, "Someone can leave the church, but they can't leave it alone." I will tell you why I chose not to leave it alone.

To begin with, I was astounded by how completely deceived I was by the Mormon church. I am a very intelligent person, as are many Mormons, but the church had me completely duped. I lived a lifetime shoving down my own common sense, dedicating every aspect of my life to a church that's based on lies. I want to help as many as I can either avoid this pitfall or to get out of it.

In addition, I have witnessed those who I love most, my family, remain in bondage to theology which robs them of finances, peace of mind, and family relationships. How can I roll over when so much is at stake? How can I silently walk away when those I love most are in bondage. Could you? I will continue to fight against the deceit of Mormonism. It is not what it represents itself to be, and I will continue to expose the facts as they are until my life on this earth ends. I will help as many people as possible to see the truth, to find themselves, and to find deeper love and peace. This is my passion.

Q: You spend so much time searching out anti-Mormon garbage. If you spent a fraction of that amount of time and energy researching your own faith in Mormonism, you'd still have a testimony.

A: I spent 33 years as a Mormon, much of which was spent in active learning and service within the church. Although I did have doubts, even from an early age, I faithfully read my scriptures, prayed regularly, and dutifully avoided any "anti-Mormon propaganda". In my opinion, Mormonism is founded on such shaky ground, that having even an extremely powerful "testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel" shattered, requires little more than an open mind and an IQ over 60. Once my mind opened and the evidence poured in, my faith in the LDS church was quickly shattered.

Q: How could you hurt the ones you love so much by leaving the church? You'll never realize how deeply you've hurt your family.

A: I am saddened by the pain that my family has and is experiencing, however, I do not own their pain. I realize the importance of following my own conscious. I have made my decision to leave the church because I believe it is the right thing to do. It would be wrong for me or anyone to make a moral decision such as this based on anything but their own moral consciousness. For me to remain a member of a church that I believed was wrong would be dishonest. I would be doing a disservice to myself, the church, and my family.

C: I have been discouraged greatly about things that I have read about church history and such. But I have to say the wonderful things I learn in church are a lot better than what I learn when I read the ex mo sites. It's disturbing to read how they are free to do whatever they choose but not choose to reach out to help the poor, widowed or sick. They just want to bash the mormons and not try to do some good and spread the things that might help one to keep God's command love one another. My search for truth has been a trial for me and my family. I have hurt them and now feel a sense of disgust for my actions. Let it be, leave the church fine, but try to leave them alone too.

R: Thanks for your comment. I can't speak for other ex-Mormons. Everyone is an individual. I suppose there are some who choose not to love and serve others, but I do not believe that everyone who leaves the church becomes "anti-Christian" or stops loving and serving others. Speaking for myself, I can definitely say that I feel a stronger sense of compassion for others since I have left the church. I am less judgemental of others and myself, and my own process of study and action has led me to a place of unconditionally loving myself and others. I'm sorry for the hurt that you and your family have experienced. Everyone's journey is unique. I think the ultimate goal for us all is to know and love ourselves. Only then, can we offer authentic compassion for others. Best wishes.

C: You have destroyed your eternal family! How do you live with yourself?

R:  I do not believe in "eternal families" in the sense that the LDS church teaches it's members that they need to be 'sealed' in the temple, and earn their status in the Celestial Kingdom in order to have an "eternal family". 

After much study, I have concluded that the Mormon view on eternal families and the necessity of temple work in order to return to God as being flawed. For more on this subject, check out:  and  this info on Mormon Temples.

I am very much at peace. I genuinely love myself and feel genuinely loved by the universe. I am freed from the conditional, and often passive-aggressive 'love' offered by the "Mormon God" and my Mormon family.

C: Fine if you want to leave the church! Why don't you just leave it alone? Why do you have this website?

A: As I exited the church, I not only felt flooded with an increasing sense of peace, but I, increasingly, felt a responsibility to help others with their own investigation process. I kind of felt like I suddenly woke up and realized I was on-board a sinking ship. I successfully found my own life boat and made it to safety, but I felt compelled to go back and try to rescue as many as possible. Some may call it a calling from God. I call it a burning desire/compulsion/duty to reach out to those who are at a point in their life where they are questioning or just simply opening their hearts and minds. I would never try to pull a Mormon out of the church as this would be completely counter-productive and against what I stand for. I am amazed, however, at the constant stream of people that come my way who've begun to open their hearts and minds and are beginning their own process of finding truth. This is the reason I've chosen a website as my format of reaching out. If people aren't interested, it's non-intrusive. If people are in a position of questioning they have my website as a resource and help.

C: I am currently Mormon…I was born and raised in it. I am questioning my beliefs, which brought me to your blog. I am disappointed that you have said things about the Mormon religion which are just not true. I.e. no caffeine, no meat, and submitting to the idea of polygamy.

A: First, I applaud your courage to question your beliefs. And I understand your hesitancy to agree that the church you belong to puts forward these ideas in the form of doctrine. I know it is hard to believe, but these things are a part of Mormon doctrine. 
Avoiding meat is most definitely a part of the Word of Wisdom scripture, although it is swept under the rug by church culture. The part about avoiding strong drinks is no more prominent than avoiding meat except in times of cold or famine.
        "12 Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;
          13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine." (D&C, sect. 89, verses 12, 13)
While every good latter day saint knows they are to avoid alcohol, few are aware of what the WOW says about avoiding meat. I see it as an interesting twist of scripture, one of many inconsistencies which led me to thoroughly investigate the church. Keep reading... the Word of Wisdom contains other interesting "revelations".

The idea that arose at some point in church history that drinking caffeine is against God's will, still has me scratching my head. It is most definitely a part of church culture, but found nowhere in Mormon scripture - unless you count conference addresses. I think it was discussed in Gen. Conf. back in the 70's by Pres. Kimball. If I find the article, I'll post it. Avoiding caffeinated soda is most definitely a part of Mormon culture. Before she was baptized, my mother had to give up her beloved Dr. Pepper, and I remember not being allowed to drink Coke or Pepsi growing up. Many Mormons seem to bend the rules here, but I believe it is still a part of popular Mormon culture.

Submitting to Polygamy - wow, this is a big one. Keep up with your investigation of the church. You are going to uncover a mother-lode of information here that would make any God-fearing man or woman squirm in their seats. Brigham Young made this uncompromising statement on August 19, 1866:
"The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy." (Journal of Discourses, vol. 11, page 269)
Start here: D&C, sect 132 , Also check out these links, just for starters: Polygamy quotes from early prophets, Current LDS views on Polygamy. There is much written on this subject and ample evidence that it has been taught as a saving ordinance. Although the practice was disbanded due to Federal Law in the late 1800's, the church continues to seal multiple women to men in the temple (although women are only allowed to be sealed to one man).